


Let the light in

by oolaexai



Series: Miracles [2]
Category: Trigun (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Consent Issues (see notes), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Last Run, M/M, Mental connection, Merging, Plant Biology, Plant Powers, Twincest, Uncommon und common usage of alcohol, alternative ending to separation sickness, but closer to the manga, but it’s very brief and not related to Vash or Knives, depends on your definition of bittersweet, discussion of child abuse, discussion of consent, human sexuality, manga/anime verse mashup, plant power, plant sexuality, some fuff (can’t believe it either), some more angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:26:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29960223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oolaexai/pseuds/oolaexai
Summary: The Last Run between brothers.Alternative ending to separation sickness.
Relationships: Millions Knives/Vash the Stampede
Series: Miracles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2203551





	1. Last Run

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 – 6 are identical to separation sickness. 
> 
> When I was writing this story I was torn between my wish for a happy ending and natural angst affinity. So, why choose between two good things? Have them both!
> 
> This is a mix-up between Manga and Anime, but leaning more towards  
> manga. Trigun is not mine, this is just fun. Unbetared. Bored beta-crazy persons out there? I have cookies? 
> 
> Warnings and explanations regarding consent, see notes at the end. There’s no non-con in this, but some consent issues. Be kind to yourself and be safe. 
> 
> Canon alteration: Knives and Vash fell down separately and Knives has a little of his plant powers left. Also, the Last Run is a thing for independent plats as well. Who don’t need as much water/food to survive compared to humans. They can still get hungry and get energy by eating and stuff. That makes sense in my world, cause plants are the producer of stuff, and I doubt they get dinner in their lightbulbs.
> 
> Merging stuff highly inspired by this beautiful fic: Merging by labingi. Go, read it!
> 
> Have fun! Kudos and comments are made out of bliss! *wink*wink*

After the end of the world was kinda looking the same like the beginning of the world.

Not the beginning of “their” world, this fuzzy, unclear, ( loving ) state of this one-year-childhood with Rem as the connection to everything, the anchor. The seemingly save haven. The lie. The world after the Great Fall.

The real save haven he tried to create and failed.

Dust, suns, heat. Cold, empty, stars. The desert never seemed to end, abandoned buildings everywhere. Like in the beginning. Just more troubling. Without Vash, but more vermin crawling around than ever.

He was honing in on a signal. That’s all that mattered. Clear course. The only variable was time.

______

The end of the world was kinda looking the same like the beginning of the world.

Even if it looked different, it felt similar. Helpless, numb, alone und somehow at a strange peace only endings can deliver. He still could taste Meryl’s tears as he told her that he must go away. And she knew, this clever, kind hearted friend, that she could not follow. Not this time. Maybe in the afterlife. But not here, on this planet with the new arrivers and all the possibilities and resources to really build a true paradise. Just without him. His Eden was this one-year-childhood with Rem as the connection to everything, the anchor.

The seemingly save haven.

It took a while to find this abandoned village house, a place long ago emptied from people. They did not flee from the ark or the chaos that the vanishing of the plants caused – this place smelled like faint memories of a hard but heartfelt life, like, if I die I die at home, on this land that is my home. He buried the two skeletons left, that buried all the others a long time ago.

A good place for a Last Run.

_______

The last time Knives met a human was kind of a conflicted situation. They were travelers, like him, and they were young, the opposite of him. They had guns and were afraid of him and half starving. They had a vehicle. Still with some gas left. All of that the stolen milk of his sisters, the stolen life of them.

He was calculating. He could overpower and kill them easily, even depowered. Use the vehicle to arrive at his destination even faster. It was even a mercy kill. He could feel no water for iles.

And arrive at his final destination reeking of blood. That wouldn’t do.

A female, maybe 10, maybe an old 7, put her gun down. “I know you! You are Vash the Stampede.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You look like him.”

He could feel she was thirsty to the point of pain. And still at this stage where she was looking up to adults for help, but already at a point where the disappointment in them nearly outweighed the trust. Nearly.

Let me push you a little bit further, that you could finally arrive at a place at clarity, he thought. Then Knives realized it was a waste of time, as she would die soon anyway. Then he got angry, cause the confusion was his own. That’s the second reason he avoided this vermin: At the end of the world he himself was so self-absorbed and confused. Everything seemed to be a reflection of him.

“I’m not at all like him.”

“But you know him?”

“Used to.”

He was starting to walk again. Away from this, before he lost his composure and would kill her and all the other young humans in the truck. With all their silly weapons, stones and slings and a fucking rusted key to who knows fucking what.

“If you see him, would you tell him thank you?”

“For what?”

“He played with me when I was younger. It was great fun.”

Yeah, he played with me when we were younger, too. Innocent games. And then brutal games. And far too late Knives realized they weren’t playing at all. They were ripped in two and all the “we” was only in Knives head alone.

She asked: “Do you want a lift?” Can you protect us? Her eyes asked. He felt sick.

He went on without another word. So did the humans.

(Later, much later, they would meet again. The thirst was even more burning then, even if she got some water from the traders. Yeah, it was still a thing. Even in the worst of circumstances and the highest possibility for paradise humans still were hell bound to make their life miserable, to murder, and rape and trade the ones they were bound to protect. Figures.

He could look into her mind, like flashes, Seemingly this was working on humans to. Huh. She was bloody and a murderer and only one other child was with her, cradled in her arms, far to big to be carried by such a small human. What a pathetic display.

She had guts, she had a gun. And she killed the adults she put the last of her innocent trust in. She was clever, they tried to play her, but she saw right trough it. For a second he was proud on her behalf. Never trust humans. She raised her weapon but her hand was shaking. She needed water. They had no water here.

“Don’t dare to shoot me”, he said. And in the next second he was standing in front of her, wringing the gun out of her hand. “You had your chance of a mercy kill some days ago.” She now recognized him.

Never trust humans, little girl. He thought. And then he used his plant powers.

___________

The display when he left the house was the most scary and most holy Vash had ever seen. Knives was standing in front of a girl, towering her, and his hand was hovering right above her face. From his long, naked fingers water was dripping, clear and glowing in the heat and dust, right onto her mouth. He was producing water, and giving it to a human child.

Then Knives stepped away, back to the veranda, avoiding eye contact with his brother.

“What about the other one?”, asked Vash.

“Already dead.”

He went inside and Vash dashed forward to tend to the girl, already soothing words on his lips.)


	2. Black hair

Plants don’t need food and water the same way humans do. But it’s still a comfort. Comfort was far from Knives mind by now. The signal he was chasing was growing weak and time - so many years just a bother - was starting to feel rather violent now. He should have killed the children and taken the vehicle. Vash could surely cope with a little bit more blood on his hands in comparison to not being able to cope at all because he was dead.

Too late now. Like a lot of things. Focus. No time for this feelings of loss. Irrational. When it’s lost, then it’s time for this shit. Soon enough.

(And it’s your fault as much as the human’s.)

The feeling of skin resonated under his palm. His hands full of violence, pressing his brother down, forcing his powers. Destroying life force. Unintentionally. But not unintentionally entirely. Breaking a thing to make it whole? Breaking the one important thing he wanted to keep? Flaw of logic in a superior being. It hurt being wrong, more than being wronged.

_________

Vash was quite content with his work. The blankets and pillows he found were beyond dusty and full of holes, but with a good shaking and a careful arrangement they looked comfy enough on the big bed in front of the window. Sheets in witch humans slept, made love, died in probably.

He nearly fainted some times during this process, but hey, step after step. He lay down and looked out of the window. No greenery as far es he could see. Just the suns. Baking heat. Beating heart. He felt dizzy. He saw so many humans die. How did it feel? Was it different for plants? He has seen it with his sisters. How they lost control, were screaming and their hair turning black, shrinking to a drained out corpse in seconds before the imploded in their bulb.

It was probably painful and violent. Story of his life. To be honest, he would have loved to have some of his friends with him. More than anything he was fearing to be alone right now. But being at his dying bed would be suicide for them.

Deep breaths. A bit of dark hair fell into his eyes, he blew them away. Knives had called it the color of rotten things. Wolfwood had black hair, as well as Meryl. Dark eyes as well. Beautiful. Vash loved that. He loved them. Each of them looked so different, changing all the time. For him only scars changed.

Fuck he was tired.

He closed his eyes. Surely he would wake up as soon as the pain was starting.

_________

A deserted village, a house, a signal. He stepped on the veranda, the door was slightly open, probably to let in at least a tiny stray wind into the baking building. Knives went in, the signal close, opened a door and nearly choked.

Black hair. Black. All black. As well as the circles under the closed eyes, the body already feeling so weak. He could practically smell the rotting life force, even if Vash’s body looked normal. Naked under a blanked of used up fabric. Unconscious. They had fallen into disaster. His own hair had this rotten color, too. But with a hint of blond, a hint of light, a hint of fucking life. His mind was muddled with hazy intention, and a thought: not too late.

So, plants are twinning organism, aren’t they? Even as an adult plant, most of them are more than one body, being always part of one more limp, one more embryo, one more mind, and more so fucking potential. And then the humans come and take all that energy away till the main body dies and with it all the others, dependent one. Independent plants are different. They are disconnected. The price for freedom. But in their inner being, they are beings longing for connection.

Knives had a special connection in mind. A solution.

_________

Movement. Twinning breath. A hand on his cheek. His body was flinching before he was even conscious. Ingrained memory of pain reacting. The hand went away. His eyes opened. Beside him lay his brother, radiating warmth, eyes closed. Vash felt like weeping. More pain and conflict before the end? The hand came back, slowly touching, so careful. They probably had never touched like that, not even before the Fall. Just by Rem. Always Rem.

He pressed his face into this hand. Because it felt so good not to be alone at the end of the world. To be with the one he was with at the beginning of the world.

_________

Knives climbed into the bed, only slightly disgusted by the fabric. Just lying here their heartbeat and breath synchronized. He connected with thousands of plants, all willing. Except for his brother. Vash’s eyes opened for a brief second and his heartrate went up a bit. He could try to force it again. If he was still able. If it worked in their actual state.

Then a sight. A small movement. Calm again. Unconscious again. He thought of the girl on the road and her nearly lost innocence and trust, and recognized that in his brother. Vash was truly an idiot. Or maybe he was just to weak to protest.

But just being there was welcome. He could feel it. Vash allowed him implicit to be with him on his Last Run.  
Not what he fucking wanted, craved, wished for; not what he came all the way for; not being able to stop death, like all the fucking human vermin and their brittle body.

But still more than he thought his brother had the patience left to grant him.


	3. Broken circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Afraid. Lost. Apart.

Surprisingly he did not die the next hours. Instead he woke up, still weak and miserable, but feeling a bit better. Huh.

It was colder, nighttime.

The air was thick with something. A smell. No, a sensation. Like the fur of a very soft cat. Like falling asleep drunk.

His brother was looking at him, blue eyes unreadable.

Vash turned his gaze away, out of the window. “So you are not dead.”

“Ditto.”

The very careful hand was back at his face, guiding him back to Knives. They were sharing the bed but otherwise not touching. It was intimate, a little bit embarrassing and his hand was twitching for his gun. The gentleness startled him.

“I…”, Knives began. Then retreated and stood up. Then silence. The sensation in the air changed. Got twisted, smelled rotten. And then it was back, this clear, soft feeling.

“Knives?”

As his brother just stood there, with his back to him in the moonshine of one of the five moons and he was tired and close to death and weary – Vash got angry.

“Stop your mindfucks. There is nothing to gain. I’m close to my Last Run. You can either stay or get the fuck out of here.” Then realization hit and the fury provided enough energy to sit up, shaking. “You are here to absorb my energy when it happens, aren’t you? To recharge.”

“No!” Knives voice truly sounded upset by the idea. Still not facing him.

“Then what-“

“Can’t I be with my brother in our last few moments?”, Knives asked.

“Can you be around anybody without harming them or using them for your own ends?”, Vash shot back, strangely gentle. Like he really wanted to know.

His twin turned back, eyes burning bright. A small bit of blood was dropping from a bitten lip. “There is nothing else on this fucking planet that’s worth staying for… it was always you and I always wanted you by my side and it all went to shit so let me at least be here for you when…. We finally separate. Like we always were, and never were intended to be.”

Oh god, I so desperately wanted to be not alone right now, he wanted so desperately to be at peace with Knives after such a long time of conflict. But still…

“Promise me one thing.”’

“Whatever.”

“Stop killing humans.” Lina, Meryl, Milli, Wolfwood’s Orphans. Still alive, still a possible target.

“Vash, I am as depowered as you. How should I manage that? Kill them one by one? I don’t think my lifespan is long enough for that, especially with the new delivery from their broken homeworld.”

Vash muttered, laying back, defeated. “If somebody would try, then you…”

He was surprised when Knives sat back on the bed, leaned over him, pressed his bloody lips on his like a seal. Then leaned back. “I promise that I won’t kill any human, nor try to eradicate mankind in the fucking few years or months I have left in this hell.”

It did smell like copper and earth. Like a sudden yearning.

_________

Talking about humans in their last few moments together, what waste of time. Now was only now and his focus was solely on his brother, for better or worse. In this few moments, every promise was worth not fighting, not another step apart. He had no idea how to step forward. To communicate what even he did not understand. No time to learn, either.

The kiss got him a confused glance and then a happy smile. The blood looked good on his brother’s lips and Knives suddenly felt an urging he never had with his sisters. It was not wild, like in July, but it was there, suddenly natural and easy.

“I want to merge with you.”

More confusion, he put a hand on Vash’s chest, on these disgusting scars. Below a heartbeat that quickened and brought them out of balance. The connection was lost. Separated again. Knives got furious. “I want to merge with you!”, he repeated.

His brother just looked away. All the way trough the desert the signal was guiding him here and now, inches away from Vash, he couldn’t get closer. Knives began to strip and then climb onto the bed, hovering over Vash, still under the covers. Searching for a connection, but they were out of balance. Again. As they always seemed to be.

“I could save your life! If you merge with me we could… live together. In one body. My remaining energy would be enough to get us trough for some time. If you merge with me, nobody has to die!”

The muddled intention seemed clearer with every word. This was why he came all this way, or was it? But something was off. Yesterday he decided against it, because he could feel that it would be unwelcome, but now I could convince Vash. It was natural for plants, wasn’t it? His sisters hadn’t had an ounce of hesitation.

Vash looked… afraid. And resigned. Whatever happened Vash would not have the power left to stop Knives. And he knew and accepted that as a fact. Did you come this whole way just to make the same mistake again?, a voice in his head asked and for a second Knives thought is was Vashs mind. Asking himself why he was so stupid to trust his brother again. Then Knives realized that it was his own mind, stirring some emotion deep down under all the fuck up that he was fucking up again.

“I won’t do it..” he whispered, “if you don’t want to. I feel fucking lost Vash.”

“Me too”, Vash said.

They breathed. Finally they both seemed to relax in the same moment.

Then: “Well, thanks for not raping me.”

“What?! I would never!”

“Well merging is like sex for plants, isn’t it? And merging without my consent is kinda the same.”

“It’s nothing like that! It’s just natural for plants, a survival strategy!”

How could Vash be so calm about that?

“So is sex for humans.”

“Weren’t we finished talking about that trash?”

“I don’t want to merge with you. If I have to die, I want at least be myself while doing it. I doubt it would even work, I would just get lost in you.”

Separation sickness. Knives felt like his world was torn apart, a dead end instead of a bright future – like when they discovered Tesla and all his wishes to be with human kind turned into bitter disgust.

He lowered himself back on the bed.

Afraid. Lost. Apart.

He didn’t move an inch till he felt Vash be claimed by unconsciousness again.

Then he went naked to the veranda, looked up at all the stars that once looked so beautiful.

And wept.


	4. Tides

The next morning was bad. The pain came and he couldn’t hold still. The dawn was already in full bloom, but he couldn’t appreciate that, squeezing his eyes shut, feeling weak and heavy. He was alone in the bed.

Then suddenly, hands were on his shoulders, pushing him down. Something cool at his forehead. Pushing down his heartbeat, too, slowing down his breath, sweeping out all the adrenaline within him and triggering the natural pain killers.

When Vash could focus again he saw Knives above him, forehead to forehead, eyes closed, holding his face secure but with a strange softness.

“You can do that?”, he choked out.

Knives smiled humorlessly with closed eyes. “Apparently.”

Vash let out a chuckle. “Handy.”

Knives just sighted. “Yeah.” They were sharing breath.

And then: “What do you need?”

The question stunned them both into silence. Vash tried to read his brothers face, but he still had his eyes firmly shut. “What!?”

“What do you need?”, Knives repeated with a strained voice, eyes now open and bloodshot.

_____________

His brother was looking at him like he got insane. Well, not that look exactly. So he repeated this silly question, this whole silly thing that was the only result of a night of thinking, raging, feeling helpless and so fucking apart.

“What. Do. You. Need.” As sight. “From me. What can I do… to… comfort you fucking now. You need to tell me or I will fuck up again.”

No second chances for this. If he had to loose everything, he wanted to loose it in dignity.

And the reaction to that was, that Vash seriously started crying. Knives just went still, at loss. As it didn’t stop after a while he lay back beside Vash and just … was. In one of the reports from the Gun ho Guns was mentioned that his brother cried after being close to kill Monev the Gale.

He nearly jumped as Vash took his hand, eyes looking straight into him, sure of himself, but still with a hint of embarrassment.

“A hug.”

“A what?”

“A hug. You can comfort me with a hug.”

A few beats of silence passed. Around them this baking heat and the bright suns burning through the tattered curtains.

So after all this violence there was an embrace. Knives realized he had to get under the covers as well and after a bit of calculation he gently lifted Vash head again to bring his arm in position as a makeshift pillow and wound the other one around Vash’s torso. This should be sufficent.

Vash sighted and inched closer, rested his head against his bare chest, put his arm around him as well. They weren’t like this since they were children, and even then it was mostly with Rem. Now just the two of them, it felt like the beginning of time. Like for a second, the separation never happened.

They stayed like this a long time.

________

Asking his brother for an embrace honestly was the most scary thing Vash had ever done. But he was dying anyway and it felt so good to have another body close, to be held, to be, for once, not the one trying to make others feel better, but asking a thing for himself. It felt vulnerable, it felt like it was worth it. It felt quite embarrassing and awkward for a second, and then his body relaxed deeply.

He remembered when he shared an embrace, and sexuality with humans. It always felt odd, but so good, so close. He always liked body contact, but he realized early on that it did hurt too much to separate again. Not bodily, but by dying, be growing old, by just… being too dangerous staying. Or by never getting close enough.

Knives embrace was solid. Warm. Their bodies synchronizing naturally. Separated but close.

“Thank you”, he whispered before he fell asleep again.

He felt strangely safe.

__________

It was peaceful. For a few hours it was truly peaceful.


	5. The antithesis to separation part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some tough love is dealt out and sex is happening.

It was evening when it started again. Vash mostly slept, silently and still. Life force seeping out heartbeat by heartbeat.

Then suddenly a convulsion, they nearly fell out of bed. But Knives found his balance and pushed them back onto the sheets.

Then the screams started. Was this the Last Run already? His brother had just one wish, this fucking embrace. Knives would hold on. Then Vash started to hit and kick him. Furiously and surprisingly strong.  
There was no calming down, all he could feel from Vash was rage and fear and something he couldn’t quite pin down. Always like that, that one part he didn’t understand about his brother.

One hit on his shoulder blade and the bone cracked. Vash was going wild under him, tried to kick him off, to wiggle out under him, lucky that he hadn’t his prosthetic arm on, or he probably would use the gun.

“Let go!”, Vash screamed and Knives felt more sure now that he was fully conscious. He let go a bit to look at his brother and was gifted with a hand in his face. Vashs eyes were wild and the skin of his face still somewhat marked by his tears earlier.

Then a new wave of pain. It resonated at the back of Knives mind and suddenly his brother was clinging to him, his fingers pressing into his spine and face buried in his neck while his body raged. He felt his skin break where Vash was gripping, the plate on his chest cutting into his chest.

The wave calmed down and with it all movement. For a second Knives was wondering if this was what was ahead of him, when he entered his Last Run. Alone. Like most of his siblings.

Vash was silent now, just panting, and sometimes a pained moan. Cold sweat everywhere.

So, put a hand carefully under his shoulder and look how it goes. A shudder, but no resistance as he pressed upwards, supporting the missing limp to get their bodies closer into the embrace.

Let go. Closer. Don’t let go. This and the pain was a mantra, resonating from Vash in his mind. He tried to connect, to calm down again, to ease the pain, but Vash was blocking him out. Pulling him in and then blocking him out.

It would have driven Knives crazy if he wasn’t so familiar with this inner conflict. With this bloody game. The one thing he could do was just stay solid.

Even if it was the human way. Despite his assessment of their evolutionary worth and destructive tendencies he did not know a lot about humans. But on his lookout for the Gun ho Guns candidates he had a lot of time for just watching their interactions and their silly rituals of soothing.

He began with gentle circles on Vash back, and then with whispers of “it’s alright” and silly enough “you are save” and way too honest “I am here no matter what”. Tried to harmonize their breathing again, but was interrupted by a loud, hollow scream and that threw himself off balance. He swallowed the scream with a kiss and pressed Vash down with his full body weight. As if he could hold him here, in this life, if he just pressed hard enough.

Oddly enough, that seemed to the trick because Vash went calm again. Still shaking, but no screams, no struggling. His fingers were painfully pressing into his back, but that was okay. “I hate you”, Vash whispered against his lips. “I hate you for all you did.”

“I know.”

“Please don’t leave now.”

“I won’t.”, Knives whispered back. Just breathing. As he tried to face away, Vash followed him with his lips. Like that separation was not wanted. Knives came back, pressed back harder. Was met with a sight and movement, came closer and moved as well.

Soon their heartbeats were in synch again, Vashs system powering down, the pain flowing away. Knives hand was stroking trough the black hair, a matching hand on his neck, holding him close while Vash applied lips, and teeth and tongue on him, with a desperation and wanting that left Knives dizzy.

He also realized that their both had an erection.

He shifted without breaking their kiss to hover over Vash, supported by one elbow. With the other hand he touched Vashs torso lightly, and marveled that the scarred body under him pressed closer, invited his touch as he drew lower, and finally cupping both their flesh into one hand. Pressing like he enjoyed it with himself. The moan this time was not one in pain and put to memory. Movement. Up and down, swirling on the top, hard on the root, then gentler towards top, then down, fast and strong. Supplied by the pressure of the other cock, every stroke and movement felt different.

Back in Knives mind he was a little bit appalled to do it like humans do with his plant twin. But most of his attention was on how responsive Vash was, how good it felt. And soon enough they were panting against each other. Pressing lips against lips, lips against skin, all while tightly staying in this embrace.

______

Pain melted into pleasure like melting ice. Vash still felt dizzy, still felt afraid, but at the same time he just wanted a closeness, a connection, to be in this state a last time before everything went black. Was this how merging felt for Knives?

He could feel his brothers muscles moving under his wandering fingers. Touching like being allowed, remembering how nice sex could feel. How intimate and close it can feel. How joyous it felt the few times he let himself go. How close. The skin under his lips tasted salty and heavy, and whatever Knives did down their with their cocks, it felt amazing.

All trough that was resonating a feeling of calm, of something natural and at ease. It did not come from his brother, he realized. From him he could feel determination and focus and the ease of a painful knot in his mind. He didn’t even try for this mental connection, realizing it was there the moment Knives entered this room.

He wanted that. He sought Knives lips again, being met eager and panting. Then he broke the kiss, waiting for eye contact. Knives stopped his movement and looked back. A moment of absurdity, a moment of laughter.

When they stopped laughing it all felt a little bit more clearer. The pain high went away, the soft urging of want stayed. But it wasn’t so cutting anymore, more relaxed.

Knives lowered back beside him, still hell bend on this embrace. Vash realized that his hand was wet and as he looked at it, there was some blood. “Did I hurt you?”, he asked.

Knives shrugged his shoulders, then winced heavily. “You are still quite strong, you know.” Their faces were so close, they could feel each others breath with every word.  
“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

But it was true, he felt stronger, better. Still a bit horny thought.

“I want to have sex with you”, Vash said calmy. Cause was what the point of denial now? He wanted to have something nice before the end and being so close (and not fighting, not hurting during that) to his twin felt – healing. Calming and energizing at the same time. Maybe his body was just reacting to death and pain with an desperate act of recreational energy, maybe he was high on the closeness to another plant, maybe it just felt like the quickest and most efficient way to close the separation gap after years of conflict and hate between him and Knives; to finally connect to the love they once had for each other.

Or Knives was manipulating him through their connection. His reaction made that rather unlikely, thought. “In the human way?”, he asked disbelieving. “And… what do you think we did right now and are we going to finish that?”

“Did you ever had sex this way?”

“With a human?! Are you serious?”

“Or with another plant.”

“Plants don’t do it like that.”

“You are quite sure what plants do or don’t do.” Vash pressed his hips closer to his brother’s again, their erections touching and both of them moaning.

“You did it with humans.” It wasn’t a question and not devoid of jealousy and disgust.

“And now I want to do it with you.” How he gathered the mental energy to be so bold with Knives he did not know. How he found the courage to ask what he really wanted, even more strange. Maybe it had to with the embrace. And being so damn tired of pain and loss and self-sacrifice. “I want you to fuck me.”

Knives just moaned into his neck. Vash went on, in case Knives needed instructions. “I want you to put your dick in my ass and move gently, and kiss me, and then move harder. Till we both climax. I want to be able to look you in the eyes and feel you inside me. I want to be moved by you and I want to hear you moan.” Vash felt his sexual need grow. He took a deep breather, stroking through Knives nearly black hair. “Do you want that, too?”

The response was immediate. Knives reached down and gripped his tight, positioned them with a swift, strong movement till he was lying between his legs, then he went into a sort of plank, lifting Vashs hips, bending him slightly, positioning himself. Kissing him and pressing close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really though long and hard if I should imply that Vash slept with Meryl and/or Wolfwood, but I let it open for you readers to decide your preference. I know in manga und anime Vash avoids sex with the sex workers, but I think he really enjoys this form of closeness with certain people. Also, I wanted to write a sex positive Vash. Sue me, in all this misery there had to be some nice things.


	6. The antithesis to separation part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sex is happening and mistakes are made.

And in this moment of ecstasy his brother decided to test his patience again and said “Wait!”. Knives waited, even thought he felt like bursting or hitting something.

“What?!”, he asked rather unfriendly and caught Vash’s lips again, kissing them swollen, pushed his tongue into his mouth as a very clear message what he intended to do further down. It was not merging, but it fucking felt like it, and his desire was overwhelming. When he broke the kiss he felt dizzy and close to this feeling of last night.

“This way it will hurt”, Vash explained breathlessly, obviously holding on to reason desperately as well, if his flushed face and widened pupils were anything to go by. He put two fingers in his mouth and made them wet, bypassed Knives hips and pressed in. Winced a bit and did not realize the confused look his brother was giving him.

“Isn’t it supposed to hurt?” He did not see a lot of the disgusting ways humans find their sexual satisfaction, but what he saw, looked far from pleasant.

“No”, Vash bend his wrist to push another finger in. He visibly tried to relax and it visibly did hurt anyway. “It is supposed to be pleasurable.”

“So the point it to relax your body and lubricate so that there will be no painful friction between dry body parts.”

“You are very good at sexy talk”, Vash replied dryly, then yelped as Knives griped his wrist and forced his fingers out, away. He dove down, pressed a kiss on his stomach because he could, and then pressed Vash’s hips high to have easier access. This seemed like an easy enough problem to solve.

_____

Vash nearly jumped off the bed when he suddenly felt Knives tongue on his hole. He probably would have if he wasn’t in such a tight grip. Feeling kind of lost without the embrace. But this quickly changed when Knives started licking and pressing his tongue against the ring of muscles. Releasing again, licking and salivating, waiting till he relaxed a little, then pressing in stronger. Forcefully, but gentle at the same time, pushing, but not to a point of discomfort. Like he could feel what Vash was feeling, where the tipping point between exiting and scary was. Because he could. The connection, their body echo still strong. And he was taking care not to cross this fine line, and this revelation was more arousing (and confusing) than all his ministrations down there. And, like a distorted feedback, he could feel bliss, bliss made of power, and serving, and knowing what was right at exactly the right moment.

It seems for the first time the confusion and hurt was giving way to something else. The moan started at his chest and then vibrated simultaneously up through his throat and down to his cock. Vash was panting, Knives name on his lips and that seems to encourage the tongue even more, pressing into relaxing muscles now, rhythmic like a very soft blade. Vash smiled happily, feeling goofy and save, and fluid, silly and -

Then his body was lowered down again, a last nudging at his balls with a nose, then full body contact, lips devouring his, teeth biting a little bit too strong into his lips, than Vash saw it: His brothers face, there was a smile as well. Not as wide and goofy as he felt on his own face, but loose, and easy. It was a long time ago he saw his brother smile like that. His face was flushed and they were both panting, high pulse, drunk on desire.

“It was the most efficient way”, Knives whispered. And then: “Ready to be fucked?”

The answer to that was easy.

_______

As he pushed in it was nothing like merging. They were still two bodies, for starters, but it felt good to be close, the nerve endings on his cock singing with sensation. Being inside a body without being one body felt like a bridge, and like being on top of a bridge it was neither of two things, and it felt like he could not stay here forever, but for a while. Then he pushed deeper and felt Vashs body tensing up, his back arching upwards, his hand flying up do grip his shoulder. Knives bend down to kiss him. One of his hands was holding Vash’s hips steady, the other was supporting his posture close to his twins face. Vibrations of pleasure were forcing his body to shake, and for a second it felt like in the desert, a signal honing in, one destination with unclear intention. Just without the feeling of loss, because Vash was right here, kissing back. Panting and moaning and already trying to move him. His hand was stroking his face, shaking but gently and this time it was Knives turn to press his face into this palm, licking a bit, then putting a finger in his mouth. That felt strangely nice, so he put another one in and sucked. His hips pushed deeper of their own accord and they both moaned.

One breath, then another. He drew his cock back a bit, nearly out, then in again, a wave of pleasure, but he could move back again. He slipped out, breathed, but Vash was already trying to press closer. He reentered, just a little resistance and a little pain, and tried to make Vash forget by a quicker push, deeper. The fingers were still in his mouth and he realized he was biting on them quite heavy, but a quick glance at Vashs face was enough to realized he didn’t do any great harm. He spit them out and pushed in again, with more force this time. Finding a rhythm, marveling in a feeling of control that felt way better than any other power trip.

As he took in again the flushed, relaxed and somewhat still lost look on his brothers face, he bend down to kiss, the cheeks, the corners of his lips, the temples. “Eyes on me, please”, Vash begged breathlessly and Knives obeyed.

And then something changed. Everything got softer, hotter, and clearer. It was like he was looking at Vash for the first time since the Great Fall and seeing him without anger, without wanting something, without force or confusion. His mind, his ever screaming mind was silent and his body could finally fall. His thrust were still strong and deep, but more fluent. Rocking them on the bed like weaves of an ocean they never saw but on recordings. Being in tune with the other body, opening up, receiving, pushing back, inviting again. Like he didn’t need power and determination to get what he wanted right now, but just receive the burning feeling they were co-creating, absurdly easy to connect out of sudden. Green eyes were staring up at him, happy and trusting, aroused.

Just for a moment he let go, pressed down, pressed in, with a moan on his lips, that was more close to a scream, pressing his face against Vash’s, feeling Vash’s arm around his torso, his muscles clenching to hold their position with Knives body loose on top of him like that, his ass tightening and feeling even better when he pushed in again and again. Vash’s cock rubbing at his stomach, feeling smooth skin and scarred skin and public hair and his lips tasted salt, sweat and blood, and their pulses were too loud to hear anything else. A place underneath his ribcage was teared open and something soft emerged, something that seemed to be hidden since a long time and forcing itself out. With a gentle violence.

___________

Knives collapsed on him, but continued to fuck him hard. It was nearly too much, but it felt too good to stop. Vash twisted his body to give him easier access, and was rewarded with more deepness, and finally getting the thrusts against this place that felt so incredibly sweet. He was longing to be touched, but as always with sex, there either seemed to be too much limbs or too few. But Knives rutting against his body, up and down, probably scratching his skin raw on all the metal on his body, snapping his hips, their muscles dancing with strain and movement, was enough for now.

Vash felt himself moaning and screaming more than he heard it, a drowning like sensation around him. And then something happened between them he at first didn’t understand. It felt like Knives was pressing past that sweet point, stimulating harder, growing inside him, then he felt suddenly weightless, like he was fucking Knives, full of pleasure and amazement and easy love. Then it felt like a pushback of pain and fear and loss, a breaking, colors bleeding into each other. At last the pain was getting paler and paler, making room for a soft feeling, nearly rose colored, nearly like water after a long walk through the desert. It felt soft, and it felt loving, and it felt very, very true and it came from his brother and from himself at the same time.

This strange softness seemed to be enough to push them both over the edge. Easy, like a natural disaster, blinding white, close to pain pleasure, connected.

Post-orgasm they just breathed, chests close, Vash’s hand stroking over Knives shoulder, marveling in the gentleness. Their heartbeat was pounding in synch against their ribcages. It was very hot inside the room. He felt content and spend and relaxed, still raw, in body and mind and emotion.

He could count the moments by their deep relaxed breaths if he cared for it. Then he felt panic disturbing his peace and realized that it was an emotional echo from Knives.

“What...?”, he whispered into the sweat soaked hair close to his face, tasted the solid skull beneath, where apparently crazy thoughts restarted their crazy business. The panic grew, and Knives body tensed up and with that, like an afterthought Vash’s as well. What’s the problem? They had a very nice fuck, and he was very happy and content right now, and nothing at all did went wrong and his brother didn’t hurt him (much) and couldn’t he have this moment of peace? Would they fight again? What the fuck! He got angry. At himself. At Vash, at. What? At Knives of cause. His mind got into panic mood as well, like triggered from his brother.

Vash took a deep breath, wished he had a better meditation practice, and sought this one solid place within his increasingly more guilt ridden racing mind, that was probably not even fully his own. He stroked light soft circles over Knives back, mirroring the gesture from earlier.

“I’m sorry”, Vash said. Maybe he had pushed Knives into the ‘human sex’ and now his brother was having a meltdown?

“I’m sorry”, said Knives at nearly the same moment and lifted up to look him in the eyes, like all the happiness they experienced just now was bound to be exposed as just a torture trick, like the puppet master’s game. “I didn’t realize that I… I didn’t intent to..” I didn’t want to betray you, the mental connection screamed. And it somehow sounded very young.

“What?”, Vash asked, but then he didn’t need to ask anymore as he looked downwards. They were merged. At the hips, and part of the legs. There were some feathers, but not a lot of them and a part of the skin of their shoulders connected with a thin threat of skin, like a bubble gun. It ought to disgust him or look strange, and a part of him was repulsed. Mixed with bad memories. But another of him wasn’t. It did look like the most natural thing in the world. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. And he still felt like himself. Something in him was sated, in the cells deep in his body, where he didn’t even had realized that he had been hungry. Maybe Knives had a point with this being natural for plants.

His brother was still having this strange look, and Vash was suddenly far to tired to fight. Gently he pulled Knives back into an embrace. “Well, that happened”, he whispered. “Let’s as well enjoy it.” He was kind of used to people screwing up while doing their best. And maybe it was the afterbliss, maybe it was the fault of the end of their world, but right now, he honestly didn’t care so much about the accidental merging. He transported that last thought to his brother and finally felt Knives relax, the panic decreasing and making room for that soft, rose light, a protective energy around them both.

They fell asleep like that.


	7. Devil’s deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miracles are not for free.

They both awoke still merged and after some moments of confusion and trying to move uncoordinated, Vash asked: “How can we unmerge?”

The thing was, his sisters never unmerged with him. They became part of him, and their consciousness just sometimes in memories disturbing his clarity till that faded away as well. But mostly it was a sacrifice, a gift of their life force to enable him to kill the enslaver of their kind. Till they changed their mind after all this manipulation and false promises the humans transmitted and their connection collapsed. His sisters fell to earth, a lot of them into death, and he failed his mission. Lost everything. His power. His purpose. This one shot of an paradise. 

And soon he would loose his brother as well. Their black hair was symbol of their separation, of their fight. They did waste their lifeforce on each other. Instead of being together. Like it was supposed to be from the start. 

After all this bliss, an abyss of depression seemed to be open up. Knives felt sick. The failure, the guilt of not being in control, of being alone and lost again soon. And now not even knowing how he and Vash could unmerge. The one thing he wanted to accept, in order to comfort his twin, he screwed up as well.

Vash put a hand on his face, stroking gently, then gripping his earlobe and pulling hard.

“Ow! What the fuck?”, Knives was startled out of his downward spiral. It hurt, although light compared to the ache in his shoulder.

“I can literally hear your thoughts”, Vash said, a serious look on his face.

They stared at each other. A complicated feedback loop: Vash seemed so easy about this, but his feelings betrayed him: Annoyance, fear, disappointment, determination, courage, fatigue, awkwardness – and something tender, forgiving. Did he learn that with his humans? The always failing, betraying, weak things Vash seemed to love so much, that he forgave and forgave again despite all the pain they inflicted? Knives bathed in these emotions for a breath, let himself be drawn away from this dark abyss. A little bit. 

Remembering, he came all this way to make peace at last with Vash. To be with him on his Last Run. There was a hand on his shoulder, on his neck, in his hair. Gently and patient and he felt those feelings, too.

Time to unmerge. Knives gritted his teeth and mentally tired to push Vash back, out, like his brother tried so hard when he forced him activate the angel arm. It should be natural for plants, easy. 

_________

“Woah”, this felt like a roller coaster. Like the sudden changing of magnetic polarities. Since the Great Fall Knives tried to push him in, closer, violently. Now he tried to push him out, away, violently as well. 

A part of him didn’t want that, even if his mind saw reason. A part of him was unconsciously resisting, the other one raging because that brought memories of pain and loss, and helplessness, of July, and the fifth moon, and all the people and plants that died. For a second he was truly afraid, of not being able to unmerge and at the same time of separating and falling into the same spiral of hate and hurt as before. 

Then it stopped. He got aware of a hand caressing his neck, his shoulder, torso, very gentle, very soothing, sensual but not sexual. The gentle, rose colored feeling reappeared and at his tail: relaxation, closeness, the deep connection they shared before, a small island of true peace.

“The way I see it”, Knives said, sounding rational and solution-oriented, even he had been the one who started the chaos. “It is in our nature. Deep down we know how all this works. I’ve never seen a sister with an instruction manual.”

Vashs struggled a bit against their merged flesh, frustrated. 

“I still don’t know how it works, Knives. I never used my plant powers without you triggering them!”

“But you still have them, you still used them, haven’t you?”

Used them to protect, to fight, to charge up for battle. He nodded. 

“Just for this time”, Knives continued, being already bossy again, “don’t be so fucking afraid of your true power and work with me here!”

“You are the one who is trying to do it by force!”, Vash shot back. “You are the only plant I ever saw who did everything by force!”

“I was the only plant with the courage and determination to do things by force or otherwise nothing would have changed!” 

“Yeah, great results.”, said Vash. Their anger and aggression resonating, enforcing each other.  
Then: “Are we fighting again?”

And with this all the tension in the air just vanished. 

“I don’t want that”, said Knives. 

“Me neither.”

And with that they bodies separated. Just like they were waiting for them to finish their fight. Easy as breathing out and without any pain or discomfort. They quickly rolled to the opposite ends of the bed just to be sure they stayed that way. 

It seemed to be late morning and they were covered with cum and blood and dried sweat. “I could use a bath..”, Vash whispered, staring up low hanging suns with no clouds in sight. He turned closer to the window, the sky was very blue. 

His heart was still racing from their quick fight and the shock of unmerging. The impact of all that happened between them the last hours. Yeah, right, for some hours he had completely forgot that he would die in agony and chaos soon. Deep breaths, he could just drown in this melancholy sky. Deep down, under the exhaustion and emotional quicksand, he felt strangely content and at peace, thought. 

“No water for iles”, Knives said. Then stood up. “Lets see if this dump has something to eat.” 

They didn’t need it, but it was still a comfort.

It was so silent and in the wake of their fresh unmerging it was hard to feel Knives presence, so Vash nearly jumped as a hand touched his hair, ghosting over the back of his scull. Then something wet fell wet on his neck and Vash turned his gaze back quickly. Tears were falling from Knives blue eyes, silently but open. Like his brother didn’t even realize they were there. 

“Knives?”

His brothers fingers were gently stroking through his hair. It was rather wild right now and where it resisted, Knives combed through to loosen it. Saying nothing and having a far away look on his face.

“What?”, Vash asked confused.

Instead of answering Knives stood up again, walked towards a broken mirror standing dusty and milky on an disintegrating dresser. Broke out two pieces loose and handed him one. 

“Turn around.”

He turned to the window again and lifted his mirror shard. In the reflection he saw Knives realizing his tears and quickly brushing them away with the back of his hand before rising his own shard. Vash felt his eyes widen.

_________

Blond. It was hard to discover with his hair down, but in the mess of black a spot of blond had reappeared. It wasn’t ticker than a fingers width but it was definitely there. This meant life, this meant time, this meant a fucking miracle. 

But instead of being happy his brother turned around to look at him with a look of sheer horror. 

“Knives…”, a hand went to his face again, and Knives, in all this stupid, foreign happiness pushed his face into Vash’s palm. Inviting the gentleness, thinking if he wanted to lick these fingers again, initiate maybe a round of celebration sex. The human way, the way Vash definitely seemed to prefer. This slightly disgusting amazing connecting of bodies without merging. 

But the hand went further, to his neck, pushing his head down, gently but strong. Vash let go of a shuddering sigh, pressing his face into his neck. The posture was far from comfortable and usually too dominating for Knives to be acceptable, but right now, right here, he couldn’t care less. Blonde. His brother had some more time, months, probably even years if he didn’t use his plant powers. 

It worked, it fucking worked. He was not sure what kind muddled intention had pulled him towards his brother at first. To comfort him and be with him in his last moments were wishes of his heart. But his head had always its plan of it own, he realized. He tried, he tried to conform to his brothers wishes. But this was a lost battle, this was instinct, this was how he was, that was his power: To change their destiny, again. A broken Eden was better than no Eden at all.

His thoughts came to a sudden stop when he felt tears dripping on his neck. A mirror image from moments before. Lips were pressed there, hard, and in this grip he felt like Vash could easily snap his head if he so pleased. Still bend down Knives put his hands on Vash’s scarred thighs. Their physical closeness seemed natural now, like it was meant this way from the start.

_________

Vash was kinda used to everything getting worse. That the prelude to suffering was happiness, a flicker of light, to show clearly what he would inevitable loose. He was kinda used to know that and smile anyway, and enjoy the happiness as hard as he could. 

A simple blue sky and a peaceful day with just sitting in the sun, eating donuts and playing with kids. 

Dinking all night with strangers, with howled songs and the freedom to be as silly and unthreatening as he could. 

Dark eyes and a hand that was gripping his to stop him, even if he had to go anyway. 

A grumbling fight for blankets sharing the last free bed at a rundown hotel and the smell of cigarettes. 

Knives close to him, in him, caressing his face and looking at him with a soft, loving smile and the hope that they could be that easy, for a while. 

Knives went still. And then: “If they are fully black now, I do not care.”

“You should care”, Vash replied hoarsely. 

_________

Vash’s hand gripped tighter, almost painfully. His body shaking with fought back sobs. Their connection wasn’t in tune, but there was a heavy feeling resonating. Black as ink, bitter like poison. Knives tried to counteract it with the soft feeling they shared but moments ago, but it hit a wall of sorrow and rage. Pushing him closer to that black abyss just waiting at the edge of his mind. 

Then Vash whispered: “That was your plan all along.”

It wasn’t. It was. The accusation hurt anyway. He tried to connect, but failed. 

_________

Knives grabbed his wrist, pulled it away from his neck and straightened his spine again. The blue eyes were feverish, the grin distorted. “Yeah. I wasn’t clear at first but when we merged I realized it couldn’t have been another way. Aren’t you happy, Vash? I gifted you life!”

Vash stood up, feeling stronger, better, at the same time too tired, to weary, too sick of loss and anger. 

“You gave me just another hell”, Vash said and went out of the room.


	8. Thirst

He found something, booze. Vash cleaned himself off cum and blood as much as possible with a wet rag. It did do nothing for the smell. He couldn’t care less. 

As he went back into the room Knives was up, examine his hair in the broken mirror. It was nearly all black now, just a hint of blond left. Equal exchange in power. It was eerie silent. His brother's gaze fell on the rag and the liquid in his hand, then snapped latter out of his hand and swallowed deeply.

“Why are you looking so grim, brother?” Knives asked. The separation was in full bloom, and he didn’t even seem to realize it. Vash took back the bottle, took a deep sip as well. Then he soaked the rag and began to clean his brother up as well. Like he had predicted his crates and screws had messed Knives torso up quite a bit, the smooth skin broken and Knives shoulder would take time to heal as well. Knives hissed as the alcohol disinfected the wounds. As soon as Vash finished, Knives took everything out of his hand, put it on the dresser and leaned into his twin. 

__________

Knives kissed him, strong and gentle. Vash was looking at him like that again, didn’t he realize it was an act of love? That he didn’t care a bit if his life span shortened as long as he could be with his brother? 

He pushed Vash against the dresser, some more mirror shards raining down from the impact. In this position he could touch him more and their physical closeness would harmonize their bodies again. Vash body was pushing against his hands, his body was still tense. Anger vibrating under that calm demeanor. In the dusty reflection he could see the back of Vashs skull and he pushed the hair up, to marvel at the golden flush of color.

This was his doing.

That revelation made him hard and if his brother loved that 'human way' so much he would give it to him the human way. Vash was leaning down towards his neck, breathing against his skin. As Knives reached down to grab his cock it was soft, just his body shaking with sobs and his one hand clinging to him. This was so similar to their sexual act, it was confusing. 

“What’s wrong?”, Knives asked again. Slowly getting annoyed at his brother not answering him. Devoid of their emotional connection, pushing him out again. In Knives opinion everything was fine and celebration sex was in order, if that was a thing. 

“What’s wrong?!”, Vash’s head snapped up and stared at him in teary rage, desperation. He stopped pushing mentally against Knives but instead opened the feedback loop, pushed his feelings violently onto Knives. The hurt and betrayal washing over his mind forced Knives to his knees. 

“What’s wrong is that I didn’t ask to sacrifice yourself for me! I didn’t want to merge and I didn’t want to survive you! You don’t have the RIGHT to make such decisions.”

Panting heavy, Knives glared up at his upset twin. “Yeah”, he answered with disgust. “Nobody has the right to decide over live and death. Just stand idly by and –“

“YOU don’t have the right over MY life, Knives! Neither to ‘teach me eternal suffering’ nor ‘gift me life’!” Vash pushed him away and tried to storm out of the room dramatically. But Knives grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, standing up with a swift motion an pressing Vash against him. Holding him from behind. The last few hours seemed to become quickly a part of the past that he was loosing, again. 

“I didn’t want to see you die!”, Knives pressed out close to Vash’s ear. 

The muscles under him tensed and Vash’s gun hand twitched. It was in his bag. Knives had checked early. “Now you know how it feels. To see everyone you love die.” Vash turned around, those once gently eyes burning with hurt. “No, wait. It’s me again.”

This time he let his brother retreat. Knives wanted to follow him, but as he tried a dizzy spell forced him back. 

Cold fear was reflecting back from his mirror image. He felt in his heart and the soft, rose feeling was still there. He remembered the look of betrayal and hurt on his twins face again and again, till the abyss opened again, again, again, wider still, and swallowed all the colors with lead. 

__________

(The end of the world was kinda looking like the beginning of the world.

When Vash woke up from his drunken stupor he had steadfastly pushed himself in, lying face down on the veranda, he realized that they were not alone anymore. That Knives was outside as well, behind the house. A thought flashed his mind: some things always stay the same. He went in and grabbed his pants and his gun quickly. 

A stones throw away from the house were two children, and a very naked Knives standing above one, a hand over the girls face, water dripping from his hand into her mouth. Exactly from his hand. Water that wasn’t to be found in iles. 

His brother looked at him with a cold gaze and stepped back. His short hair fully black now swallowing the light of the two suns high above them. 

“Knives…”

“The other one is already dead”, Knives just said and went into the house without looking back. 

Vash took a deep breath and went to the children. One of them seemed familiar. He tried his most comforting smile and the his most comforting words. As he carefully put his arm around her, she pressed shakingly closer, but tense. He recognized a lost innocent in her, that was just all too familiar to him. 

__________

He put her on the sofa, under a blanked riddled with holes. Together with a moth eaten toy he found in one of the abandoned rooms. In the kitchen he found more booze and also some cans, one with soup. The stove wasn’t working, so he had to create a little fire with his gun and the booze in the sink to warm it up. She did eat, but not speak. 

When he was sure she could be alone Vash went outside to bury the other kid and realized Knives already did it. So he just had to build a cross, put it on the heap of sand and mud and speak his prayers. Missing Nicolas ad his side, not as a priest, but as someone good with children, as a friend, screaming at him to be out off his mind to even get close to his homicidal brother again and look where it took you, idiot. )

__________

This brother was back in bed when Vash found him. 

“She’s asleep. Probably in shock.”

“She’s a tough one..”, Knives whisper was barely audible. 

Children on this planet often were, thought Vash. 

“Why did you help her?” With your plant powers. Your last powers. 

“She reminded me of someone.”

At the beginning of the world his brother looked at him with clear, blue eyes, a hidden gentleness for him and a lot of rage against the world. For just a moment Vash wanted to get back, get lost in the brief happiness they had enjoyed. But he already felt the separation festering between them. His brother looked ill and tired. 

Vash sat down beside him, ghosting his fingers over the completely black hair. The skin was sweaty and hot. 

“They are all black now… Looks like you are close to your Last Run already.” This wasn’t fair. He had had more time.

Knives just grinned darkly. “Yeah, and you know what the beauty of that is?”

“Enlighten me.”

“You won’t stay around to comfort me.”, Knives said.

Vash rolled his eyes, reaching for his brothers hand, but he shook it off. “Of cause I am.”

__________

Vash’s eyes were bloodshot and tired, his skin raw with spend tears and a drunken unconscious nap on the veranda where Knives sat beside him for hours. He had stared at this familiar, sleeping face. At the same spot where for the first time since his childhood he had cried, and screamed and raged. Just to come up with that silly question: What do you need? Now to come up with the only answer left.

Time to deliver the final blow. 

“No, you won’t. You will take this little human scum to the next city and I will stay here and explode in peace, or whatever happens to us at the end.” He had the suspicion it had nothing to with peace at all. “Because otherwise she would be torn to shreds. You can survive that, she can’t.” 

He couldn’t risk Vash loosing his power again. That part of Knives, that forever would be ingrained in his body and soul. 

“Knives…”

“Me or a human. It was never a hard choice for you.”

Vash just looked at him for silent moments, an unreadable look on his face.

“Knives, it was the hardest decision I ever had to make, again and again.”

Knives hand ghosted over Vash’s scars. Familiar already to his touch, a shudder and a slight tremble. 

“I want to stay with you”, Vash whispered.

“Then stay and let her die. It’s your choice, this time.”

Vash climbed in bed with him, a careful embrace. He allowed it. This soft feeling was far away, he didn’t dare to touch it. 

There was no question what his brother would choose and the knowledge burned into Knives, deeper and deeper. 

And they slept. Just for some hours. 

When the pain and convulsions finally did start, Knives was already alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be an epologue.


	9. Epilogue: The ticket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was wasn’t a thing like a completely blank ticket.

The ships from earth had landed and already changed the face of the cities. Big machines to rebuild, more plants for power, more food and health care. Also a lot of thievery and robbery, a lot of changing power dynamics between gangs. But mostly the people where glad that the horror stopped. 

The house in front of them was old and had a lot of broken windows, barely fixed with wood. But the children in front of them were playing happily under the watching eyes of a middle aged woman with curly hair, eying him mistrustingly. 

The girl gripped his hand tighter. He knelt down, trying to smile. But he probably didn’t fool her, with all the crying and blank staring he engaged in while they were traveling through the desert. 

She still hadn’t spoken a word. “This is the family of a friend of mine. He is dead, but I have on good authority that this is a good place.” She looked at him, pale and tired. “You survived so much and I know it still hurts. But your future is open, it can get better. Even if a lot of days will suck.” 

Vash was surprised when she leaned against him, sniffling. He hugged her with one arm, gently. He remembered her clearly now. I didn’t always remember the names of the towns, but he did remember most faces. For a moment he was hesitant to let her go. But he always had to let go. 

As she walked toward the other children she turned around once. Then she was lost in the crowd of chatting children clustering around her. The guardian of Wolfwood’s orphanage came his way, look softening as she recognized him.

_______

As Vash arrived there wasn’t a village anymore. Just a big crater and blown up sand still high in the air. He was looking for a corpse, but only found the remains of the child they buried some days ago. Vash sat down, feeling sick. 

He stayed for days. 

On the way back he had hoped that maybe he wasn’t too late. 

Fool. 

He touched his hair again, again and again. Tempted to just pull it out. Grief should be familiar at this point.

It wasn’t.

He started to wander again, the only thing he could think off. 

_______

Some months of sand and towns, and hollow smiles, some gunfights. 

He wandered through yet another broken down human settlement. Terrified and relieved at the same time. Seeing the poverty everywhere still, even with new resources and the ships from earth, there was a lot of violence.

Then he realized Rem was wrong. Not in the way Knives had tried to prove her wrong. But it wasn’t the whole picture. There was wasn’t a thing like a completely blank ticket. You could choose your destination anew any time, but it still mattered where you were coming from. A lot.

Vash realized he had an unclear destination at the back of his mind. 

Maybe his friends were still alive. There were a lot of other things killing humans, even now Knives wasn’t around. 

All tasted bitter in his mouth. He touched the blond spot at the back of his skull.

The ticket to the future was still open.

He thought he lost it. 

Then it was handed to him, by his brother no less. 

Even if it was accompanied with a bloody knife to his rips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> Kudos and comments are made of pure bliss!

**Author's Note:**

> Notes on consent (slight spoilers)
> 
> There is a discussion of merging and a clear ‘no’ about it from one character, but it happens anyway. Mostly by accident, but one character is an ass about that later.
> 
> The sexual stuff is all completely and very clearly consensual. Also, there is a quite ironic comment about violation of consent (chapter 3).
> 
> There is also a reference of child abuse and an implication that a underage OC character experienced some kind of abuse. But it’s only implied and sorta cannon typical. Well, it’s Gunsmoke.


End file.
